Posted by She Said
Lately we have noticed a lot of ropes hanging down from the roofs of various tall buildings around here.
Now we know why.
I think a strong incentive to take this job would be the possibility of sneaking up on someone doing something they wouldn’t exactly expect being caught doing by someone dangling hundreds of feet from a rope outside their window.
I wonder if we could hire them to come in and clean all the damn glass walls in our bathroom.
Posted by He Said
At home in Reno I have two friends. Interestingly enough I knew them both for some time before they finally met each other and fell in love. I actually had a little to do with her coming to work with me at my recent job where she eventually met, fell in love with and ultimately married my coworker.
He is an Anti-Apple Fanatic, Microsoft Fanboy who by looking at him you would think he is the secret love child between Bill Gates and… um… well if Bill Gates could self propagate you would have my friend. The woman is an Apple iPhone fan with an obsession for all things iPhone related (and a secret lust for an Apple computer I think). They both rock. I was lucky enough to be the best man at their wedding and am lucky enough to call them friends.
To protect the names of the innocent in this story, let’s call them “Kevin” and “Barbara.”
I come to China and find out the one and ONLY Apple store in all of China is right here in Beijing. A short 20 minute subway right and 15 minute walk away. I HAD to go there so I could take pictures and share them with “Barbara.”
So here is the iconic apple logo on the store in Sanlitun Village, Beijing.
Here is the family pretending to try to get a call through on the oversized iPhone. We were not successful.
Here is me NOT REALLY pretending to contemplate buying a Macbook Pro.
These pictures were not really for “Barbara”, but so I could piss off “Kevin” FOR “Barbara.” I am pretty sure it was successful because every time he Skypes me he waves his quality wines in my face and says “oh, sorry, I keep forgetting all the wine you get in China is CRAP!”
I wanted so badly to take pictures to share with “Kevin” of the Microsoft campus being built right behind my apartment. Not FOR him, but so I could also piss him off, because I have been here and he hasn’t. Neener neener neeeener. Yes. I am a child. Alas, there are no signs to include in pictures so they could be one of 20,000 other new buildings being erected here in Beijing.
Instead I concocted the most wonderful plan. The most wonderfully evil of all plans. I found a new target. A new location that only I could visit and “Kevin” would forever be jealous of. This morning I managed to convince the entire family to embark on my Saturday quest.
This would take me about 20 minutes across two subway lines, one very busy transfer station and a 20 minute trek through a local sidewalk market complete with shoes, clothing, mobile tattoo & piercing parlors, “professional” phone screen protection installation stations, bead, book and yes, rabbit, turtle, snake and baby chicken salesmen. Let’s not forget the socks. Everywhere we go someone is always trying to sell us socks or there are tables full of socks for sale.
As you can see I didn’t go alone on this quest. I took the whole family with me, and as always, it was an adventure.
We stopped to feed the kids along the way (yes, at McDonald’s, shut up and leave us alone) and enjoyed more “Brangelina visits yet another location in Beijing and gets nonstop attention and praise” moments. By the way Braedyn is getting as much attention these days as Emily.
This sidewalk sales lady insisted Emily use her chair while we waited for Susanne to order food (using her iPhone of course).
Then we headed up the street with me using a screencap of Google maps to find the destination of our Saturday Quest. You see it is too expensive to use AT&T here, and my phone has the latest software/firmware and cannot be unlocked to be used with ChinaTelecom. So I can only use it online on a wi-fi connection. On the road, there is no live feed.
We also had to make one stop along the way so that Emily could pretend to make a phone call home to Jacob. It was very sweet. For you young whipper snappers out there, that is a Pay Phone. You can look it up on wikipedia.
And there it is…in the distance…the object of our quest. Can you see it?
That’s right. Google Beijing headquarters. The holy grail of Beijing Nerddom, and I found it WITHOUT an internet connection using a screencap from GOOGLE maps on my iPHONE.
Oh, the irony.
So here it is “Kevin.” Google Beijing visited by the Moyle family just for you.
Oh, and you know that saying they have? “Don’t be evil.” HA! The bastards wouldn’t even let me take pictures of the 10 foot red map marker in the lobby. I could understand if the secret to their search algorithm was printed on it. It looked like the ones you see here:
Won’t let me take a picture? Hmph, see if I ever Google anything ever again. Or better yet I will continue to use Google. I just wont ever click on any of your stupid ads, and I will tell all my friends…all two of them…never to click on your ads. We will drive you to BANKRUPTCY!
See how that works out for you, GoogleDevil! I JUST WANTED ONE PICTURE IN YOUR LOBBY!!!
Jerks.
I think I will go buy a MacBook now.
Update: Some of you with an attention to detail will likely point out that I said a 20 minute walk. The Google map screenshot says 8 minutes. Google Maps does not have an option to select Walk With Caucasion Children Through Beijing.
Posted by He Said
Those of you who know me well know that I am a picky eater. One rule my mother burned into my skull is if you are a guest in someone’s home, you eat what you are served.
That rule has been hard for me over the years. I have sat at many tables and choked and washed down what I have been served. I suspect many times it was far from convincingly. Thanks mom, the one childhood rule I haven’t forgotten is yours and I will likely never forgive you for it.
This rule has applied here, and although eating in restaurants with coworkers doesn’t exactly fit the bill, I have still tried to eat what I have been served.
Sweet and Sour Chicken Feet
Pickled Cows Tongue
Blood Tofu (made of coagulated blood)
Partridge Eggs
Counterfeit Wine
Fish served with the head still on
Shrimp which you have to behead, de-leg and gut before eating (to be fair I have done this with crawdads several times)
Fried milk (yeah, not really sure what it was, but we ordered it again)
Fish and squid balls (who knew they had balls big enough to eat)
Those are my favorites of course. This week I went with the manager Johnny to lunch and he ordered for me. This always kinda freaks me out because I feel obligated to eat what is served even if I don’t like it or it visually is disturbing to me. Two items came to the table. The main dish was delicious. The second dish freaked me out to say the least.
Let’s put it this way, they did NOT have Green Ham, but the duck eggs on the other hand? They look just like this.
and this
http://flickr.com/photos/55048848@N00/232767706
I ate them. In fact, I ate half the plate. Frankly they tasted like…well, hard boiled eggs with some additional complex flavors. Dipped in the vinegar on the plate they were quite interesting. The white of the egg, excuse me, the brown translucent gel surrounding the yolk was flavorless.
But hey, lets get right to the interesting part regarding the discovery of these eggs. Stolen right from Wikipedia.
“Its discovery, though not verifiable, was said to have occurred during the Ming dynasty 600 years ago in Hunan, when a home owner discovered duck eggs in a shallow pool of slaked lime that was used for mortar during construction of his home 2 months before.”
Wow, isn’t that fascinating. Six hundred years ago this process was discovered when a home owner finds 2 month old eggs in a shallow pool of slaked lime.
TWO MONTHS OLD! UNREFRIDGERATED! OUTSIDE!
But wait, lets get to the best part.
“Upon tasting the eggs he set out to produce more…”
Wait lets stop here. UPON TASTING THE EGGS? That’s right, he just found these old duck eggs which had been sitting in a shallow pool of lime outside (likely in the summertime) whose color had transitioned beyond any normal egg ever seen on this planet. The egg white having turned gelatinous brown, the yolk several layers of various green … AND HE ATE THEM? And people make fun of Nevada rednecks.
Ok, let’s put the whole sentence here for context.
“Upon tasting the eggs he set out to produce more, this time with the addition of salt to improve this taste, thus resulting in the present recipe of the century egg.[3]”
Yes, salt. We all know salt helps bring out those complex flavors. In 2 month old eggs … mmm… a nice bouquet with hints of chocolate, coffee and pear with a nice slaked lime finish.
Posted by He Said
We have made friends with our new neighbors Ethan and Vivian. Ethan is a Caucasian American who speaks rockin’ Chinese. I know this because in his conversations with the street fruit vendors I have asked what they are talking about, and he tells me they are complimenting him on his Chinese. I hear him speak, and his inflections and words so perfectly match the the flow of conversation, it is indistinguishable to me from that of the local speakers around me.
Of course, I don’t speak Chinese, so what do I know.
Last night we ran over to the nearby university where he works to pick up some books for his daughter. There was a book sale similar to what you would see in the states. Line after line of tables with stacks of books, pens, pencils and other useful items every college student needs. You know like memory card readers, headphones and desktop lamps shaped like sunflowers. You know, IMPORTANT stuff.
For the most part the acres of books are in Chinese. There are lots of programming books, chemistry books and the like, but buried in the sea of simplified Chinese characters there are small islands of English books. Very CHEAP English books. Ok these are counterfeit books, let’s just get that out of the way.
Ethan had promised his daughter that he would pick up more books in her favorite series “Diary of a Wimpy Kid.” We made a beeline for the area where he knew there were English titles. We found the series of books he was looking for and selected all the ones his daughter didn’t have. He grabbed some super cheap copies of the first three of Stephen King’s Dark Tower series on my recommendation.
I picked up a copy of Catcher In The Rye because:
Then Ethan asked the bookseller in his most excellent Chinese if she had any books for his 8 year daughter.
She pulled out Warren Buffet investment books, Michelle and President Obama books, and this one:
Ethen turned to me laughing and says. “I don’t think she knows what she is selling”.
Posted by He Said and She Said
She Said…
As we walk down streets and up alleys in Beijing, we see things that remind us of friends and family. We want to share these with you.
This one is for Libby over at Libby Logic. She and I share a similar appreciate of all things comfortable. What size and how many, huh, Libby?
CJ, this one has you written all over it:
This next one will seem strange to most. Living here, we don’t have all of the amenities we have back home, such as a utensil organizer. Eileen, I think of you every time I open my drawer.
Memories of living on Lake Street next to Eddy come flooding back with this one:
Facebook is a magical thing. Through it I have reconnected with friend from down in the west Texas town of El Paso. Paloma, this one is for you (and sorry, this was the real store – no special price!):
Dad, this one is ALL you:
and this one...
He Said…
This one is for Rebecca at work, seeing as now I can’t NOT think about her every time I see a fricking Hello Kitty, and yes, this was an ENTIRE store FILLED with that damn cat.
Chris, this one is for you. What is more patriotic in China than a RED Baby? An entire catalog dedicated to your RED Baby.
This one in particular makes me think of all the Best Buy fanboys at home. Now even though I won’t go into the Blue Box at home, this is ONE Best Buy I could get into!
We picked this up at the local Jenny Lou’s. Eileen, we miss you!
This one had me thinking about Kevin and Kevin’s for DAYS (Bitters)!
… and Barbara AND Kevin, need I say more! Of course just behind our building they are erecting the new Microsoft Beijing campus, but without signs, it’s not worthy of a picture yet.
and lets not forget Amy, Brad and Hannah PEW PEW!
And not a DAY goes by that I don’t think of Rob or Jami and their love affairs with their bicycles. Can you see the end of them…I can’t?
This is more of a generic one, but all the Dexter fans back home (Ok, Barbara and Kevin get double billing), I think he was here in the kitchen. The glasses at this restaurant all have this dripping red blob.
and Jacob, if you were here, this would be your new home, food, coffee, English speaking customers AND BOOKS!
Speaking of books, Jacob. I know you would have had to climb to the top as well!!!!!
Ok Eddy gets double billing too. You KNOW you want one. Notice the winter hand warmers installed. Oh, you know you want a closer look. The handlebar gloves look like something you would have invented.
And every time I see this one I think about work.
Question: “Should we do it right, or fast?”
Answer: “BOTH”
Result.
Stella, this one is for you. For some reason the style of these make me double take every time I see one. They look like a mini Westfalia camper.
