Monday, October 19, 2009

SOME Assembly Required.

I want to know what marketing genius came up with the idea to sell a toy that comes completely UNASSEMBLED. It’s brilliant. No costs associated with machine or child labor required to pre-assemble your nanoparticle toy.  The cost savings must be ENORMOUS. As such, screw anyone who tells you American kids are dumb.  Those people have never SEEN the toys that 5 year olds are putting together.

Braedyn has a birthday coming up and grandpa sent him a check and boy was he ready to spend it.  It just so happened the check was for the same amount as the BIONICLE he was just dying to get.  BTW, its capitalized because on all the packaging and in the books its always written out as BIONICLE, just incase you weren’t paying attention.

Not making this up.. B I O N I C L E.

So we went to the Toys-R-Us with new in store MiniMart (again, I am not making this up) where you can now pickup your iPod, BIONICLE, gallon of milk, all natural potato chips and a Hanson soda. I didn’t check to see if they had PBR and Clove cigarettes, but if they do, its a college students DREAM. 

“Dude, lets hit ToysRUs, you get the new Rock Band and the Drum Set while I get someone to score smokes and booze for us.”  A ONE STOP SHOP.

So we are browsing the aisle looking for the BIONICLE that he wants when he spots it.  The main character from the recently released direct to DVD BIONICLE:THE LEGEND REBORN in a LIMITED EDITION. It was the first and only time I have seen a 5 year old make a decision and stick to it. Instantly.


I didn’t look closely at the box, or I would have noticed it said in GIANT BIONICLE lettering, 368 pieces.  It might as well have read “This toy contains more pieces than there are insurance lobbyists fighting health care reform.” 

Seriously.  The toy has 2 books of instructions and just in case you think I am making this up. Behold.  Book 1 & Book 2.  Even the boy was scared. See the fear.  Its real alright._IGP5676


So we buckled down.  We hit a couple road bumps, like missing pieces or the old man needing to get up and stretch, but after three Redbulls ( I just drank water) and TWO hours of assembly time it was complete and it was time for a nap (for me of course).

Behold BIONICLE MATA NUI with articulated fingers (assembled right here in Reno Nevada using child labor).



  1. I think all Toys R Us should offer booze just to get through the shopping trip.

  2. What the hell is a BIONICLE? Wait, never mind. I don't want to know. I was going to make some kind of joke about bionic testicles, but it's probably been done, and I don't think it would be appropriate here.

  3. Oh I, Rodius if BIONICLE's have 1/10 the staying power of Pokemon your son will be building them. Just you wait and see. (psst...and who told you about my testicles??)

  4. BIONICLES have invaded my house too so far my boys haven't realized there's a giant. Can I keep them from knowing until Christmas?