What the Hell?

Posted by She Said

What the hell has happened to personal responsibility? Seriously. I know there are people out there roaming the streets, just looking for that obviously icy sidewalk to “slip” on, hoping to cash in on a few. Or those that claim they had no idea they could gain a lot of weight from eating too many Big Macs and Super Sized fries and soda. WHAT? You gain weight if you eat lots of crappy food? I’m shocked.

I mostly thought these people existed largely as a means of feeding the sensationalist Interwebs.

Until now.

A friend of mine, she wants to be called Loretta, works in a grocery store, and it is her job to deal with any people that might come in with a complaint, or should I say a “complaint.” <eye roll> Here are some of the things she has heard recently:

I bought this avocado two weeks ago and it rotted.

What the hell? You mean if I don’t eat a piece of fruit, it will go bad!? GASP! That’s just bull. I would demand my money back, fo sho.

I brought in my bag last time, and the checker didn’t give me my bag refund.

What? You mean, if I forget, I can spend two bucks in gas getting back to the store and get my nickel? Oh, hells ya! I’m all over that.

I bought this piece of meat from you, and we cooked it last night, and it was terrible. Here’s my receipt.

Yeah, I got nuthin’ on the cajones it must have taken to actually pull that one off, but someone did. And they got their money back.

People, seriously. Take some responsibility for yourselves. Or I might just start suing your asses for pissing me off.

Could I BE Any More Out of Place?

Last night our local Borders was having a Twilight movie pre-release party. For anyone who has been doubling as a troglodyte for the last few years, Twilight is the first book in a vampire series written by the Mormon housewife, Stephenie Meyer. And it is brilliant. If you are interested in reading it, don’t make the same mistake I did when I tried hunting it down in the book store. You won’t find it in the fiction section. Nope. It’s in the kid's section. OK, OK, not exactly the kid’s section. You will find it in the “Young Adult” section of the book store.

Now I don’t want to give any spoilers for anyone reading it or who wants to read it, but I would like to say that it would be nice if someone would write the steamy stuff that was left out. I don’t know if it was left out because it was written with a “young adult” crowd in mind or because it was written by a Mormon housewife who believes sex is something that ONLY happens AFTER marriage, but please someone, let me know what happens between Edward and Bella in the sac. Really, I WANT to read it. Hmmm… maybe that is my calling. Write all the hot, steamy love scenes for all the Mormon housewife authors out there.

Anyway, I digress. I decided to go to the movie pre-release party at Borders. Even knowing that this incredible series was marketed toward “young adults” I shamelessly thought, I’m only my mid-thirties, I fall into that category, right? After going to this event, I painfully know the answer to that question. Yeah, it would be a resounding NO.

The place was packed with budding-sexuality teenage girls. You know who I’m talking about. The 12 to 16 crowd. I think they were staring at me and the friend I dragged along not because we were old but because they were wondering which of the kids in the crowd were ours. Yes, that’s right. I quickly calculated the average age of the crowd and realized much to my dismay that I was easily a whole drinking-age person older than the majority of the crowd. There were exceptions. You know, the moms who actually did bring their budding-sexuality children to the event. You know, because THEY COULDN’T DRIVE YET.

So, the event itself was entertaining. The young lady who ran it was really energetic and boisterous. We started with a cast-member approval rating, starting with Edward and ending with some of the more minor characters. The nubile audience said what they liked and what they didn’t like about each actor chosen for each role. You could FEEL the passion oozing from these young girls thoroughly in deep, head-over-heels in love with Edward, the main hottie in the book. Oh, wait, that’s a felony for me right? Wait, he’s actually over 100 years old, but trapped in a 17 year old’s body. That doesn’t make me jail material, does it?

The 90-minute event included a portion where the audience was asked to name the character who said a particular quote. I realized how far from profound this was when the quotes included things like, “I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me.” Don’t get me wrong, I DEVOURED all four novels in about three weeks, a record for me. It is a great story, but it is really light reading. You aren’t going to be questioning your mid-life crisis or the current economic state of our country while reading this book. Maybe that’s why I liked it so much.

During an intermission on this highly fascinating and soul-searching event, my glutton-for-punishment friend and I decided we’d stick it out until the end. Why? To try and win the free movie tickets of course. We decided this before we heard there was a charades portion of the event. Seriously. What was even more entertaining than the thought of this was actually watching the event itself. One young girl after another (oh, and one tween boy) walked up and pretty much did the same thing. They would stand there clueless and wait to get the help of the young lady that ran the event. It wasn't like watching a reenactment of Moses parting the Red Sea. It was more like trying to guess who at one point opened a door in the book or trying to guess which vampire had the biggest muscles.

Well, we didn't get the tickets in the end, nor did we get any of the smaller raffle prizes that included wax fangs and a vampire-in-a-box. Bummer. I'm still going to see the movie. I might do a matinee during the week in the hopes that most of those wanting to see the movie will be in school. Elementary or otherwise.