Sunday, November 16, 2008

Could I BE Any More Out of Place?

Last night our local Borders was having a Twilight movie pre-release party. For anyone who has been doubling as a troglodyte for the last few years, Twilight is the first book in a vampire series written by the Mormon housewife, Stephenie Meyer. And it is brilliant. If you are interested in reading it, don’t make the same mistake I did when I tried hunting it down in the book store. You won’t find it in the fiction section. Nope. It’s in the kid's section. OK, OK, not exactly the kid’s section. You will find it in the “Young Adult” section of the book store.

Now I don’t want to give any spoilers for anyone reading it or who wants to read it, but I would like to say that it would be nice if someone would write the steamy stuff that was left out. I don’t know if it was left out because it was written with a “young adult” crowd in mind or because it was written by a Mormon housewife who believes sex is something that ONLY happens AFTER marriage, but please someone, let me know what happens between Edward and Bella in the sac. Really, I WANT to read it. Hmmm… maybe that is my calling. Write all the hot, steamy love scenes for all the Mormon housewife authors out there.

Anyway, I digress. I decided to go to the movie pre-release party at Borders. Even knowing that this incredible series was marketed toward “young adults” I shamelessly thought, I’m only my mid-thirties, I fall into that category, right? After going to this event, I painfully know the answer to that question. Yeah, it would be a resounding NO.

The place was packed with budding-sexuality teenage girls. You know who I’m talking about. The 12 to 16 crowd. I think they were staring at me and the friend I dragged along not because we were old but because they were wondering which of the kids in the crowd were ours. Yes, that’s right. I quickly calculated the average age of the crowd and realized much to my dismay that I was easily a whole drinking-age person older than the majority of the crowd. There were exceptions. You know, the moms who actually did bring their budding-sexuality children to the event. You know, because THEY COULDN’T DRIVE YET.

So, the event itself was entertaining. The young lady who ran it was really energetic and boisterous. We started with a cast-member approval rating, starting with Edward and ending with some of the more minor characters. The nubile audience said what they liked and what they didn’t like about each actor chosen for each role. You could FEEL the passion oozing from these young girls thoroughly in deep, head-over-heels in love with Edward, the main hottie in the book. Oh, wait, that’s a felony for me right? Wait, he’s actually over 100 years old, but trapped in a 17 year old’s body. That doesn’t make me jail material, does it?

The 90-minute event included a portion where the audience was asked to name the character who said a particular quote. I realized how far from profound this was when the quotes included things like, “I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me.” Don’t get me wrong, I DEVOURED all four novels in about three weeks, a record for me. It is a great story, but it is really light reading. You aren’t going to be questioning your mid-life crisis or the current economic state of our country while reading this book. Maybe that’s why I liked it so much.

During an intermission on this highly fascinating and soul-searching event, my glutton-for-punishment friend and I decided we’d stick it out until the end. Why? To try and win the free movie tickets of course. We decided this before we heard there was a charades portion of the event. Seriously. What was even more entertaining than the thought of this was actually watching the event itself. One young girl after another (oh, and one tween boy) walked up and pretty much did the same thing. They would stand there clueless and wait to get the help of the young lady that ran the event. It wasn't like watching a reenactment of Moses parting the Red Sea. It was more like trying to guess who at one point opened a door in the book or trying to guess which vampire had the biggest muscles.

Well, we didn't get the tickets in the end, nor did we get any of the smaller raffle prizes that included wax fangs and a vampire-in-a-box. Bummer. I'm still going to see the movie. I might do a matinee during the week in the hopes that most of those wanting to see the movie will be in school. Elementary or otherwise.


  1. Ok, I shall remain name-less but I was the "glutton-for-punishment friend" that came along and it was THAT BAD... none of that, I'm sorry to say, was made up. I had some great laughs with you though Susanne and would gladly do it again, only to leave during the middle of it for a good stiff margarita!

  2. LOL, that reminds me of the conversation I had with the young lady in her early twenties at the blood services place who was also reading the series. She was clearly closer to relating to the heroine than I could, in age. She was looking at me from the corners of her eyes trying to figure out what this older woman could get out of the book.

  3. Well, crap. Now I'm torn. On the one hand, there's defective yeti.

    On the other hand, my wife loves a good vampire tale, even the cheesy ones. And a likeable geek says it's good.

    Maybe we'll have a Twilight date movie night, and then I'll decide if I want to try to stomach the book or not. Teen angst ain't my favorite. Thus, Goblet of Fire was my least favorite of the Potter books.

  4. Oh, I'm not saying this is great literature. I think if I had a shot every time the word "hissed" was used as a way to describe the way one spoke, I never would have made it more than a couple of pages at a time. It's light and easy to read. After reading Eat, Pray, Love, it was nice to check my brain at the door and just be entertained. But be warned, I like cheesy action flicks too! ;) Let me know what you decide!

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. This getting older business is tricky. I recently went to a punk rock show in New Orleans, where I was by far the oldest person in the room. I don't think the age difference was quite promnonounced enough for me to be mistaken for someone's father, but I did run into one of my wife's students who recognized me and said "It's so cool that you came here!" Maybe I'm overreacting, but I couldn't help feeling that this translated into "wow, I didn't think a broken old man like you would be able to stay out past his bedtime and come out to a hole-in-the-wall rock club." The upshot of all this was that the line at the bar was much shorter than usual since I was one of about three people in the room old enough to buy beer. Still, I don't think I'll be going back.