Fifty Shades of Ducky

Posted by She Said

You all know my ducks, right? Well, one of them has been really naughty lately, and I think I know why. That little sneak has been reading Fifty Shades of Grey (on our Kindle, of course).

Apparently she’s gotten herself pretty tied up in the storyline, and now even her peers aren’t sure what to make of her. They are always whispering behind her back.

Maybe they are just jealous, who knows? But the biggest question is where does she hang out during the day? There’s certainly no way she can hang out at the tub with the others. Even though she brags to them about how she is water proof and can vibrate. Seriously, where exactly does a duck of her, um… character hang out where the risk of ogling children’s eyes isn’t an issue? Do you think she has a secret playroom in the house somewhere?

Maybe her new, shall we say, attire can be attributed to our other new ducky addition:

Yeah, she looks innocent enough, but I bet she’s had a wicked influence on the others, don’t you think? All joking aside, there’s no way one could get into this getup alone. Is there?

---

So, yes, I have been given several more ducks for my ever-increasing collection. I’m not sure if that says something about me or the friends I keep. Either way, keep ‘em coming! Ahem, so to speak.

It’s 4:20 Somewhere

Posted by She Said

It is obvious I have been married to my beloved for a long time. I have clearly become Angry Susanne, counterpart to Angry Greg. The difference however is that Greg has chilled at work and people no longer distinguish him from the other Gregs at work by referring to him as “Angry Greg.” OK, yes they do, but it is done more in jest instead of well, the truth.

I need to follow suit and chill. It is obvious I have been, ahem, angry lately. Angry at stupid white men trying to take women back 100 years and to discriminate against people “other” than them. OK, damn! There I go again.

Breath.

So, OK. I promise to try and talk about fun and light things and keep my political ramblings to a minimum. Not completely stop, but minimize. I’ll try. Pinky promise. Hey, how about every time I bring it up, we do shots!? We’ll call the drinking game Angry Susanne!

So here I go trying to be light. And funny. It’s a little story about how technology can bite you in the ass…

Greg and I have parental controls on our Netflix account to keep the kids from watching things we don’t want them to see. It works perfectly! Well, until it doesn’t because you forgot to turn them back on after a grown up night of TV.

The kids have been watching this Japanese anime cartoon through Netflix, and where I don’t actually sit and watch shows with them, I do listen to them, keenly from the other room. I kept asking Braedyn what the rating was on the show, and he kept rolling his eyes at me and informing me it was TV-PG. Now, I didn’t think TV-PG shows were allowed with our settings, but I figured Greg set it, so he must be ok with it. What I heard wasn’t terrible, just a little surprising with its occasional “damn” and “what the hell?”. But there were princesses! and classical music! and well, I let it go.

Then last night Greg and Braedyn were watching something together and some guy was trapped in a car.

Braedyn: <calmly> Why don’t they just break the damn window?

Greg: What?

Braedyn: <again, calmly and truly inquisitive> Why don’t they just break the damn window?

Greg: You know, bud, damn is not a word you should use. It is a swear word.

Braedyn: What? I didn’t call anybody it.

It’s true. Good point. If you are going to swear in this house, you damn well better know where it goes in the f#cking sentence. It’s just good parenting.

Time for a Push

Posted by She Said

I’ve always believed our culture evolved in a manner similar to a pendulum moving. Advancements in women’s rights and GLBT rights, for example, come with a pushing back by those who don’t want change, but change comes nonetheless. It may not be as fast or as complete as those pushing may want, but advancements ARE made. The push, and subsequent push-back, mimics the movement of the pendulum. Our culture evolves from this motion.

Recently, however, there has been such an incredible insurgence of people pushing our culture back, back, back. That pendulum is flying so hard back to the early 20th century that I feel like I’ve been bitch-slapped. And what are those that fought so hard for advancements in women’s rights, in GLBT rights, and in science doing? I for one feel like I have been standing here watching the train wreck that is our culture. I’m so shocked by stories in the news, DAILY! news, of things being said and done that are chiseling away our advancements, and not subtly either. These are big chunks coming out of culture’s advancements. And all this hate and intolerance is just pulling all the crazies out, making them mainstream. It wouldn’t be an ordinary day anymore without hearing about some other white man redefining rape or “traditional” marriage.

You know what I’m talking about, right? Legitimate rape. Life begins two weeks before conception. Don’t want to get pregnant? - put a dime between your legs. Magical vaginas that know how to “shut down” a pregnancy resulting from rape. Radio station cancels public affairs program over interview with LGBT advocate. Don’t look like a white politician? Better carry papers. Want contraception? - you must be a slut. Pray the gay away! Evolution is a theory and can’t be taught in schools. And the list painfully goes ON and ON and ON.

My stages of grief over this attack on our advancements have been clearly visible. I have certainly been in denial about this cultural war. Certainly this craziness has got to stop! I’ve been depressed about this backlash on women, immigrants, the GLBT community, science. This is all so unbelievably sad! Now, I am angry. I’m absolutely pissed that hate seems to be the norm for so much of our society today. I’m pissed that people are publically speaking their racist, homophobic, misogynist, and anti-reason minds and HAVEN’T BEEN CALLED OUT ON IT ENOUGH. I’m pissed that our push-back hasn’t been as loud and visible as the crazies has been. I’m pissed that so many haters don’t see it as JUST THAT – HATE.

But I guarantee there will be one stage of grief I will never reach. I will never accept. I will never accept that hate will win out over love. I will never accept that there are more intolerant people in our country than those who cherish and respect differences in others. I will never accept.

It’s time we woke up and dust off our <insert any number of groups under attack here> rights signs and proudly display them again! Get out there and have your voice heard! Enough is enough. Let’s push back, people! PUSH BACK!

Ready, Set, GO, GO, GO!!!!

Posted by She Said

I absolutely adore this time of year. I cherish the change in the air, that crispness that tells me fall is coming. I’ve been noticing some leaves in our neighborhood starting to change color. Granted, I hope they aren’t DYING because of the lack of water around these here parts lately – I shake my fist at you climate change!

The oranges and lush warm hues that seem to work their way into every store window makes me happy. The idea of curling up with a book by the fireplace under a soft throw thrills me. Yes, fall is my favorite time of year!

And it’s not.

Sadly, my idyllic image of quiet fall strolls through leaf covered streets falls short of reality, the reality that is our life this time of year. Fall  signals the ramping up of the busiest four months of the year for us.

It starts with soccer. Two kids, so two soccer practices and two games a week – both at different places, but sometimes at the same time! That’s in addition to all the gobs of stuff they are suddenly responsible for in school. Projects? Book Reports? Homework!

Both of the kids’ birthdays are also sprinkled around Halloween and Christmas. Oh, all the holidays! There’s Halloween, VOTING DAY!, the Married Geek’s Binary Anniversary, Friendsgiving (our version of Thanksgiving), Christmas, and New Years! OK, I’m just kidding. New Years hasn’t been a holiday since I was in my twenties! It’s more of a “Do you want to try and stay up this year?” kind of event. But still. You get the point. Busy, busy, busy!

So, it is possible that over the next few months I may seem a little crazed (or more than usual), but now you’ll know why. I’m probably trying to blog on my phone and cheer for someone’s team at the same time. Or wrapping presents while typing with my toes. But I love it, because in the end my love of this time of year wins out. Hands down.

HGTV Needs to Hire Me

Posted by She Said

You probably read the title of this blog and figured I think of myself as a master decorator who wants the likes of HGTV to hire me for one of their numerous design shows. If that’s the case, your guess would be akin to pitching during a football game – yeah, that far off. Unless there is such a thing as a pitch during a football game??? Ugh, I should know better than to use sports metaphors??? I am sports illiterate after all.

So, no. I don’t think I’m a great designer, or even above-average for that matter. I think HGTV needs to hire me because I have what I believe to be a really cool idea for a TV show. I even googled “how to submit a show idea to HGTV”, and I found a result! Yeah, a result that sucked. They can’t accept show ideas from the average joe schmo because of legal reasons. According to their site, they will only accept proposals “from television production companies with national or major market production credentials.” If you could see how hard my eyes are rolling right now, you’d certainly be impressed.

Since last time I checked I was not a member of one of those groups, I’m going to share this idea with the three of you! (If you are new here, you’ll see self-deprecating humor is BIG.)

I want a show to chronicle the building of a house. Here’s the twist: the house will be made entirely out of materials being given away for free off of Craigslist. Seriously! How cool would that be? I see all kinds of stuff being given away! Just a random perusing of Craigslist in our area revealed the following:

• Four 4’ x 8’ Pegboards – wouldn’t that be great in a garage?
• Lots of Rolls of Carpet, Great For Burning Man – OK, I can’t speak for the quality of the carpet, but hey, FREE CARPET! (Not to take from the burners. Peace, dude.)
• 5 Gallon Buckets with Handles – Needed for the paint we’ll find for free!
• Door – Duh.
• Free Scrap Metal
• Free Hot Tub!
• 9’ Wood Horizontal Blinds
• Bathroom Sink
• Ceiling Fan
• Mirrored Closet Doors
• Fill dirt
• Windows!

I know I went a little crazy with the list there, but that was all on the FIRST results page! Get the idea? What a great way to be green (reduce, reuse, recycle!), frugal (can’t get better than FREE), and make me a star all in one awesome idea?

So, anyone reading this who is a member of a national or major market production credentials (*cough* Libby *cough*) and who thinks this could lead somewhere, holla!

Scratching the Literary 7 Year Itch

Posted by She Said

For seven years I have been a stay-at-home mom. SEVEN years.

Seven years of not earning a paycheck. (Boo!)

Seven years of not having to clock in anywhere. (Yay!)

It truly has been the best of times. It’s also been the worst of times. I haven’t missed the stress of a “traditional” job, but staying at home hasn’t been all Oprah and bonbons. My journey of meeting other like-minded parents has been akin to water-boarding, but now that the kids are in school, that hasn’t been such torturous issue.

But my journey is taking a radical turn next week. Our youngest is going into first grade, which means both kids will be at school ALL DAY. I am fortunate enough to have a husband who deeply values having me stay home to take care of all the day-to-day stuff, stuff that could oftentimes bore me to tears. Laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning the kitchen over-and-over-and-over again – all things that done throughout the day frees up time when he is home for us to do family stuff. You know, like play Mindcraft. Now, I’m not saying I’m the best at all of those domestic shenanigans. My house isn’t immaculate 24/7. I generally wait until we have no clean clothes before tackling the mountain of dirty clothes. But, whatever, it gets done.

But now! Now I am going to have HOURS each day. BY MYSELF. And oh, dear lawdy, I do not want to have my children think all I do is clean and shop for food. In fact, I’ve been saying that this is the year where I get to reinvent myself! So, before I say what I am going to attempt to do, I must first tell you what I am going to attempt NOT to do.

I do not want to clean all day. Or grocery shop all day. Or do laundry all day.

This next one is something that worries me. I do not want to play solitaire for hours on end, because as pathetic as it sounds, I can whittle away time doing just that. I’m going to show you something. I’m outing myself here, so don’t judge me.

(OK, judge me a little.)

So, on to what I WANT to do. I mulled over ways to reinvent myself, and when I decided upon a path, I talked to Greg, and I asked him to tell me if he honestly thought I could do it. His answer stung like Anastasia Steele’s ass getting spanked in Fifty Shades of Grey but wasn’t nearly as fun. He said, “I think you can do it, but I think you’ll struggle with motivation.”

Ouch.

But you know what? That may have been the best motivation of all. To prove him wrong. (Again.)

As part of my motivation technique, I’m throwing it out for all to read! That way, I’d not only have to answer to Greg if I fail, but I’d have to hang my head in shame to you all as well.

I want to write. I’m going to attempt (there is no try, only do) throw my hat into the scary, overpopulated world of freelance writing! And if when I get something published, I am going to have a bigger smile than Christian Grey gets from doing all that spanking.

And that, my friends, you can get in writing.

(Wish me luck!)

Wine In a Box? The Married Geeks are Thinking Bigger!

Posted by She Said

When Greg and I started dating, I was thrown into his world of beer making. I’d help bottle and cap his latest home brew. I’m not much of a beer drinker**, but we had a great time doing this together. My favorite was the Jolly Rancher beer made from a Corona Clone, created by using a Jolly Rancher as the final priming sugar. We’d drop a particular flavor into the bottle right before capping it. And they were scrumptious! My favorite was the watermelon. Or maybe the cherry. OH! Green apple! Yum!

For our wedding favors, we even handed out our private label home brew:

And then years of marriage flew by, and out went the beer making, and in came the box wine. We’ve adjusted wine fridges to accommodate these glorious things! We’ve figured out how to best camp with the box! (Remove box, insert plastic bag directly into ice in cooler!) Hell, we’ve even adjusted the shelves in our main refrigerator to work with the average height of the boxes. Folks, we are educated in all things box.

We know people that will snub their noses at the box and swear they are worth nothing more than to be used as props for the next Deliverance movie. To them, I say, I think she looks good in a canoe!

But I digress. Something in Greg must have been missing the creativity that comes in the form of booze production. So, I came home to this:

Yes, my friends, that is a five gallon bucket of “Coastal White” wine in the making. Because who needs a box when you can have a BUCKET?! Now, are we just going to tap the sucker or fill boxes with it? Decisions, decisions.

** Except when I am.

An Open Letter to Chick-Fil-A

Posted by She Said
It is with heartfelt enthusiasm that I write to you today. You see, I need to get a few things off of my chest, and how better than with the written word to completely express the way you have made me feel over the last week?

When the news hit of your open financial support of organizations that oppose gay marriage, I felt anger, gut-wrenching anger. And it’s not like I even inadvertently supported you in your lofty goal of inequality because we don’t even have a Chick-Fil-A around here! No pennies of mine went to such a blatantly intolerant and hateful goal! Nonetheless, the anger I felt was palpable. Why be so cruel as to spend millions on stopping love? And don’t quote any biblical source for your reasoning, because I think that is a lot of blather anyway. Frankly, your “divine” book serves as nothing more than a scapegoat for your hate and intolerance, and that’s all I’m going to say about that.

People on both sides of the equality debate were up on arms about your announcement! When Thomas Menino, the mayor of Boston, urged you to stay out of his city, honestly I was thrilled at first! Hooray for a loud, public voice standing up to your message of hate and intolerance by denying you access to the city! But then I realized that was not the answer. I used to work in public access television and had to educate everyone, even those with messages of hate, on how to create television shows. I did it out of a reverence for free speech. So, where I appreciate the sentiment of Menino’s letter, I do not approve of denying your rights. So see, I am truly the bigger person here because I will stand up for your right to try and deny others theirs. I know you don’t see it like this, but come on, let’s call a spade a spade. You can open up a franchise in my city even, but I vow to you today that I will never support your goal of inequality. I will never drop a dime on your fast food. I will never will take my children to your establishment, and I will openly and honestly explain to them why.

Lastly, when the blogosphere and Facebook exploded with those who oppose you and support you, your message had another unforeseen affect on me. I am originally from Texas, so you can probably correctly guess that I have some kin that proudly ate up your intolerance sold in the form of a chicken sandwich on your Chick-Fil-A appreciation day. Oh, they boasted about it on Facebook! All that did was show me what I suspected already, that they support you in your mission to prevent people from being equal. So, thanks for that. You outed the intolerance in my family. I had to go and hide some of my own family on Facebook so that the spikes in my blood pressure wouldn’t put me in the hospital! You may think I am joking, but I am not. I desperately want my family to embrace equality, to fight for it even! But instead your “appreciation day” put the proverbial nail in the coffin of my dream of a family fighting for justice.

Some say this whole thing is blown out of proportion and is stupid at its best. So, why am I writing this letter? Years from now I want it to be publically known, to my children especially, that I was on the right side of history on this. I don’t ever want them to look back and think I didn’t do anything, didn’t say anything. They will have seen their mother stand up for equality for all. I will continue to do so by exercising my right to not spend my money in your establishment and through my vote.

Regards,
Susanne

Out of the Mouth of Babes

I am going to update these sayings as they occur. I don’t want them to be lost.

June 2012
Family friend: Hey, Blondie!
Emily: I’m not Blondie.
Family friend: Yes you are, Blondie!
Emily: <in her disgruntled voice> I am not! I used to be but then I cut my hair!
August 2010
Susanne had a conversation with Braedyn trying to explain evolution and how man evolved from monkeys.  A few days later I am telling a story and explained that it happened to me a long time ago.  Braedyn asks:
"Is that when you were hairy and had a tail?"
July 2010
Heading through the agricultural checkpoint Braedyn says:
"This is where they check to make sure you don't have bugs in your hair. Right?"
January 2010
We had a few great friends over one night for a dinner party, and one couple has a sharp, witty, and beautiful little girl one year younger than Braedyn. The adults were all sitting around the table after dinner talking about Food Inc. and life in general over some wine when Braedyn comes running out of his room to say:
Braedyn: <beaming> Guess what? Lola kissed me!
Adults: <chuckles>
Me: Where did she kiss you, Braedyn?
Braedyn: <boisterously> In my room!!!
November 2009
Me: Would you like to go to a park?
Braedyn: I was kinda wanting to get a donut.
Me: <chuckling> I was hoping to get you outside while it is nice and let you play.
Braedyn: <with a big smile> Well, we could go outside to eat our donuts!
October 2009
Greg: Did Bo [Braedyn’s teddy bear] get a bath today?
Me: No, I didn’t get another load of clothes going.
Greg: <jokingly> slaaaaaaaaaaaacker!
Braedyn: slaaaaaaaaaaaaacker!
Emily: slaaaaaaaaaap her!
Me: Ow! <doubled over with a cramp in my side>
Braedyn: Are you ok?
Me: Yes, thanks. It’s just a cramp.
Braedyn: Maybe it’s growing veins.
August 2009
After spending a lot of time following the directions to build a Spiderman space ship made of Legos:
Me: That is SO cool, Braedyn! It kicks bum-bum!
Braedyn: <big smile and a giggle> Yes, it does. Spiderman could save the world with this. <pause> If it was bigger. <another pause> And if it wasn’t made out of toys. <yet another pause> And if it was real.
DIY Network was on when the TV was turned on, and Braedyn wanted to watch the construction activity going on the show called Wasted Spaces. I turned it off thinking that’s what he wanted, and he got upset and said, “I want to watch Wisted Spices!” I replied, “You mean, Wasted Spaces.” He got upset again and said, “No, it is called Wisted Spices, WISTED SPICES!!” I couldn’t help but laugh because the show is hosted by an English dude... with a thick accent.
June 2009
After brushing his teeth tonight, Braedyn had blue toothpaste smeared all over his mouth. Greg filled the palm of his hand with water and asked Braedyn to put his mouth in the water so he could wipe off the toothpaste. Braedyn leaned over and inhaled at the same time, causing him to get a nose full of water. Greg said, “Buddy, I just wanted you to put your mouth in the water,” to which Braedyn replied, “But my nose is too close to my mouth!”
While sitting at the table coloring, Emily made up her own song with these lyrics: “Sometimes Mommy says yes! And sometimes Mommy says no.” Then she told me she didn’t want to go to jail.
5/20/2009
Dad: Emily, since today is your mommy’s birthday I need you to listen to her words, make good choices, not fight with your brother and just try to give mommy a great day. ok?
Emily: Ok daddy, after I finish my movie.
5/2009
I handed Emily a green goldfish cracker while she was coloring. She picked up the green crayon and said, “This is the same color!” In my forever attempt to teach Emily her colors, I asked her what color it was. She replied, “It’s the fish cracker color.”
After seeing a bulging vein in my arm, Emily points to it and says, “That’s what aliens have.”
After finally noticing a wedding picture of Greg and me in the hallway, Emily says to me, “Mommy, when I get bigger, will you marry me?”
I’ve had a cold, so the kids know that I can’t give them kisses on the lips because I don’t want them to catch it. When Greg went in to Emily’s room to kiss her goodnight, she told him not to kiss her on the lips. She had the “hippups” and didn’t want him to catch them.
4/2009
While telling ghost stories in the dark in my closet, Braedyn says: And the monster turned into a giant! A huge giant! Huger than the other giants. Huger than trees! HUGER than squirrels!
Braedyn: Are there people inside the Ninja Turtles?
Greg: No, they are supposed to be real turtles.
Braedyn: <look of slight confusion> But, they aren’t very slow.
Greg: And thus the irony of NINJA turtles.
Emily: Color with me, Mommy.
Me: OK. What color is this? <holding up a marker>
Emily: Ummmmm, I don’t know.
Me: Can you guess?
Emily: No. You guess.
Emily: <dancing>
Me: <smiling at Emily dancing>
Emily: <notices me smiling at her> Stop it! You interrupted me!
Me: Are you sure you aren’t a teenager?
Braedyn: <waking up too early…AGAIN>
Me: <ready to tell him to go back to bed>
Braedyn: Daddy! Did you hear the birds twittering?
Me: Awwwwwww!
3/2009
Emily: I want to catch a fish.
Me: Fun! You want to be a fisherman?
Emily: No! <indignant> I be Fisher EMILY.
2/2009
Emily: Mommy, can I have a scissor?
Me: You mean scissors? Yes, you can have some scissors.
Emily: No, Mommy. Scissor. Just one.
The following is a conversation between Braedyn and Greg during the bedtime reading of the book, The Nightmare Before Christmas:
Braedyn: Daddy, that dog doesn’t have any legs.
Greg: Right. He’s a ghost dog.
Braedyn: But how does he float?
Greg: He floats because he’s a ghost dog.
Braedyn: But he doesn’t have legs. How does he float?
Greg: He’s a ghost, a ghost dog.
Braedyn: But how does he float?
Greg: He’s a GHOST.
Braedyn: But he doesn’t have any legs. How does he do that?
Greg: It’s magic ghost powers.
Braedyn: <clearly satisfied> Oh. OK.
1/2009
Braedyn: Do flies poop?
Me: Yes. Everything poops.
Braedyn: Only people, fish, birds…and strangers poop.
12/2008
Emily: Daddy, your hair is growing. You have to mow it.
Braedyn: Mommy, can I get Hot Wheels for doing chores again?
Me: I don’t know, Braedyn. I’ll have to think about it. Chores are things you really should do to help out around the house without necessarily getting a toy to do it. I mean, I do a lot around the house all the time and I don’t get rewards for it.
Braedyn: Mommy, I’ll let you have one of my Hot Wheels after you do stuff around the house.
As I opened a gift that included a bottle of wine:
Emily, pointing to the wine: HEY! That’s daddy’s cup!
Me: No. His looks like a box.
Braedyn: Emily, your mom doesn’t have a force field on your planet?
Emily: No, she doesn’t.
Braedyn: Mine does.
Emily: Mommy, I want you to sit in my lap.
Me: You would like me to hold you?
Emily: No. I want you to sit in my lap.
11/2008
Braedyn: When Granny was here last night, she let us have ice cream.
Me: Well that was a special treat!
Braedyn: Yeah, she splitted us.
Me: You mean she spoiled you?
Braedyn: Yeah, she spoiled us.
11/04/2008
Me: Today is an important day in our country. We are going to find out who the next President is. Mommy voted and hopes the person she voted for gets the job.
Braedyn: Yeah, but when Daddy gets home can I show him my new Power Rangers phone?
10/2008
Emily: Mommy, what’s your name?
Me: Susanne.
Emily: What's my name?
Me: Emily.
Emily: What's Braedyn's name?
09/2008
Greg to Emily: Who’s your Daddy?
Emily: Mommy is.
Me: How did you get all that ink on your legs?
Braedyn: I don’t know. It just bounced off the paper onto my legs.
Braedyn after I snuck up on him: Agh!!! You fartled me!
Braedyn: Mommy! Emily is going to tell on me!
Braedyn: EMILY! Be quiet! I can’t hear the lightning with you talking!
08/2008
Braedyn: Mommy, Emily wants an Elmo party on her planet.
Emily: Take a picture of my bones.
Braedyn: I can’t! Your skin keeps getting in the way.
Emily: Mommy, turn off the wind!
Emily: (Covering and uncovering her eyes) Pee poo!
Me: Peek-a-boo!
Emily: Pee poo!
Braedyn: Mommy, when I trick my treat, can I be Batman?
Braedyn: Daddy, I remember when you were a kid.
Emily: Daddy, you’re an old guy.
Braedyn: (While trimming his toes) My big toe is getting old.
Braedyn: Mommy, Emily is taking a long time to grow up.

Now Where Did They Put That Unfriend Button?

Posted by She Said

An issue has come up several times in my life over the last few months that has finally shown its festering head and is ready to be popped by means of this blog post. I’m squeezing that bitch. It may get political, so if you don’t want any on you, consider yourself warned.

Facebook has always been an outlet for me to express my political views, views which have turned me into the black sheep of my family and the black sheep-in-law in Greg’s. Other than through Facebook, these scandalous views have only been expressed at my own dinner table with my own husband or with like-minded friends. What views? (Hey, you were warned!) The firm belief that every person should have the right to marry the love of their life, regardless of sexual orientation. I know, GASP! The belief that the issue of women’s health and birth control is deserving of a respectful discussion, without booing and hissing from an audience. I know, I’m a dreamer, right? The belief that I’m not going to succumb to right-wing fear mongering. There are others, but I think you get the point. I lean left.

So, anyway, Facebook. I have used the social networking beast to express those beliefs. Lately, after a few comments from several of my posts, I am doubting this outlet. Around family, I am polite and pull my proverbial head into my shell when it comes to politics and religion and keep my mouth shut. To their credit, they generally do the same around me. Why rock the boat, right? But Facebook feels like a gloves-off kind of arena, where kicking, biting, and spitting all fall under the rules of fair play. That is why Greg has decided to stop posting political commentary on Facebook and put it on that other social networking site. Damn, what’s the name of it again? Oh yeah, GooglePlus. I’ve kind of stuck to my squirt guns and kept on posting whatever I felt like on Facebook.

But now, I’m questioning this. I’m questioning this because of the political lurkers. You know, the people who are your “friends” on Facebook but ONLY comment on your political posts. They ignore all the cute anecdotes about your kids. They ignore all the cute pictures of your puppies. They ignore the fact that you are checking in at the gym, busting your ass trying to get in great shape by your 40th 29th birthday. But the nanosecond you post something political, BAM! they have to let you know how much they disagree with you, how much they feel they have the superior belief, and how much they think you are a douche for having the beliefs you do.

Is this a form of cyber bullying? Seriously. I don’t feel like I need to put up with this. I’d had it with one lurker and ended the Facebook “friendship” after sending what I felt to be a polite email explaining why I was doing so. Don’t get me wrong, I can handle a political discussion – when it is possible. It’s the snark-filled, rude comments for which I have no energy, no willingness to dust off my debate skills. Those kinds of comments do not pave the way for a healthy discussion. Seriously, why bother? They’ve already essentially told me they think I’m a douche for my beliefs, and I doubt any kind of wicked debate skills would reduce my douchery level in their eyes.

How do you handle this? Do you sensor your posts? Do you maintain better control of your friends list than I obviously do? Do you comment on political posts with which you do not agree? And if so, how do you do it? If it starts with “Hey, douchebag…” then I think you missed my point and you don’t need to answer the question.

Ah, hell. It’s spring. Maybe it is time for a Facebook friends list spring cleaning. Thoughts?