Saturday, February 28, 2009

I LOVED It! But Not for the Prices.

I am constantly being guilted by some of my friends because of my not so politically correct shopping choices which happen to provide the best prices. OK, WalMart. There. I said it. I shop at WalMart. Oh, and it has ruined me something fierce.

I would love to find someplace else to shop where the weight of the evil mega corp isn’t pressing down on my soul, where I would get the thumbs up approval from my well-meaning and awesome friends, and where the prices are equally as alluring as those I have sadly become accustomed to at EvilMart. In my search, I have tried several places. First, Winco. People RAVE, seriously RAVE, about Winco! I hear, “I LOVE Winco!” or “I drive all the way to your side of town JUST to go to that Winco!” Apparently the planets haven’t been aligned properly when I go because I. HATE. WINCO. I don’t like the overcrowded long aisles or the ├╝ber crabby shoppers. And frankly, the price is NOT right.

Which leads me to today, to yet another attempt to wiggle free of the gripping claws of the evil mega corp. I had a significant amount of grocery shopping to do, so I thought I would try someplace new (to me), Sac N Save. I’m a bargain hunter through and through, which is why overpriced places like Safeway and Raley’s just don’t do it for my thrifty self. I thought the little bit of extra gas to get there would be worth the kick-ass discounts I would find. And plus, I’d RATHER bag my own groceries, thank you very much. I blame my slight case of OCD for that.

OK, so some of my observations may make me seem like some middle-class, privileged white lady, but just know they are just that, observations. Or just go ahead and think that I’m some middle-class, privileged white lady. Fine. Whatever.

First observation, I arrive in the parking lot to find many taxis waiting outside. Interesting! I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many taxis in one place in this town that wasn’t an airport or a casino.

Second observation, the produce was priced to sell! Hot damn I was happy about that! Unfortunately not a whole lot else lived up to my EvilMart pricing. Boo-hoo.

Third observation, the merchandise was eye-brow raising. I have never seen a larger selection of Catholic style candles for sale in one place. Seriously, I felt like the entire Bible was there to represent. And they were scattered throughout the store too, like they were watching me.

Lastly, and OH MY GOD, the clientele. First, there was the family of five with the patriarch using every four letter word in several languages around his young children. He was doing this extremely casually, so apparently it was no big deal to him or his kin.  Interesting! Then there was hacker lady 1 and hacker lady 2. Cover your mouths already! Hacker lady 2 was so horrendous I swear I saw bits of lung flying out of her mouth with every cough. She looked like she had been smoking (something) since she was two, so her coughing was most likely a result of that, but just in case I held my breath as I passed through the air space previously fouled by her. I didn’t want to come home with greatly priced Red Delicious apples AND a case of Black Lung Disease.

But the clincher for me today was the a woman I saw in the produce section as I was leaving. In order to visualize her, please take this mohawk (only a little shorter and completely white):


With something like this skull tattoo:


And put it on this body:


I’m so not kidding. Mohawk, tattoo sporting granny looked like one not to mess with. And honestly if I thought the guy she was with wasn’t capable of breaking my kneecaps with his pinky, I would have whipped out my phone and taken a picture. I couldn’t have been sneaky about it either. I already risking being caught as a looky-lou with my glaringly obvious gaping mouth and bulging eyes.

So, did I find my new grocery stomping grounds? Sadly, no. The price just wasn’t right. Did I completely enjoy myself today? Absolutely! I mean what’s not to love about a sale on Red Delicious apples and grandmas sporting tattoos on their mohawk-laden heads?


  1. Whimp. How BADLY could have have really hurt you with his pinky anyway!!! :)

  2. Maybe she was only 45, but the '80's were REALLY rough on her...

    And, Wal-Mart shoppers unite!

  3. You went shopping somewhere called "Sac and Save." Damn. I think you're lucky a iker grandma was the strangest thing you saw...

  4. Hehehehehe... I wish I would have known... I could have warned you! I haven't been to it here but in another state. Did you see any good mullets? And speaking of mullets, check this out:
    Scroll down and look for "Mullsiah". The tattoo headed grandma made me think of that one.

  5. I myself and in agreeance with you, I hate WINCO and I hate Sak n Save and I can't stand WalMart. Ok so here is where my ego takes over, I would rather pay the higher price for a less crowded store and a clean store. Thus saving myself from parents who don't watch their kids, or people whose vocabulary is only fitting for the less than four letters scrabble game. In addition, my desire to have a shopping cart that acctually works and doesn't squeek or have to be cleaned prior to me using it. So I say what they heck, clip a few coupons that are good anywhere, save the gas and live in peace.