Go Away! Please.

We get at least two solicitors at our house a week. Now this may not seem like a lot at first, but you multiply two by the 182 weeks we’ve been in this house, and you can see how it can get old. Quickly.

I understand these guys are just doing their job. OK, I TRY and remember that. We usually just say we’re not interested and shut the door, but occasionally we get the spit-fire individual who will continue to plead his/her case about the alarm system they want to install, the children’s learning materials they want to unload, or the souls they want to save. Most of the time they can see by the acrobatic act I am performing at the door to keep two hyper dogs and two curious children inside the house that I’m serious when I say, “No thank you.” Cirque du Soleil has nothin’ on me.

A couple of years ago around Christmas, I was out shopping with my dearest friend, Eileen, when I got the call from Greg. “Don’t get mad.” Not a great way to start a conversation, I’d admit, but I was intrigued nonetheless. “These guys came by and I bought a couple of magazine subscriptions.” I’m thinking, ok, it’s before Christmas, and we’re trying to watch our spending, but how bad could that be? “It came to $100 for both, but I got a subscription for you that I think you’ll enjoy! And you’ll get it for three years!” “WHAT!?” A hundred bucks. Before Christmas. For magazine titles I didn’t even know existed. After clearing my head of all the things we could do with that money, I asked Greg if it was even legit. He looked online and found discussion groups about the very company that so convincingly presented their case. He read about people who never got their magazines but had their checks cashed. He read about how there was only a 50/50 chance of getting what you paid for.

This was before I started taking relaxing pills (a story for another day), so I was a little worked up. In a fun and entertaining way not a bitter, nagging way - of course. Greg conceded that this probably wasn’t the best idea, so the next business day he had the checks successfully canceled. Um, we’re still receiving those magazines today. Nobody has come and threatened to break our thumbs if we don’t pay up, so we’ve just gone with the flow. And read.

So, ultimately, I was done with the interruptions, usually in the middle of my dinner prep. I was done trying to keep the kids and dogs at bay. I was done smiling politely and finding creative ways to say I was not interested. So, I tacked up the perfect no soliciting sign I found online. Several people who have come over have insisted over their laughter that I make them a copy. It has worked like a charm. We have not had ONE more solicitor grace our front door since it went up. Here it is for your solicitor-repelling pleasure.